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yendiHowling 2: Your Sister is a Werewolf. 1985. Directed by Philippe Mora. Written by Robert Sarno and Gary Brandner. Released by MGM.
If Bride of Frankenstein is the best horror sequel ever, Howling 2: Your Sister is a Werewolf* is the worst. It's got to be one of the worst movies of all time, no matter what criteria you use.
That said, it's got enough awful stuff in it that it's actually almost good, if you have enough alcohol or drugs in your system.
I won't bother with the plot -- which is the typical werewolf cliche involving the discovery of werewolves, the search for their leader, and the climactic fight. Instead, I'll just mention the highlights and lowlights** of the movie:
1. Christopher Lee. Christopher Lee is good in any movie. Alas, he's wasted here, as the werewolf hunter who is there solely to dole out advice and eventually get killed.
2. Sybil Danning. As the occasionally-titular Stirba, she goes topless for a good portion of the movie. And bad as she is here, she really is one of the great B-movie stars of her day.
3. Werewolves who can only be killed by titanium. Yes, the lupines cannot be harmed by silver or by normal means, but a good shot of a metal that wasn't discovered until the late 18th Century can kill them. Must've sucked to be a werewolf hunter in the old days.
4. The worst music video credits ever to close out a movie. See, there's a crappy bar band in the opening scene of the movie who presumably all slept with the director or something, so they get their awful song played again over the closing credits. And the video features Danning tearing open her shirt and revealing her breasts. Over and over. It's like some crazed film editor sat there with a Tivo, and kept hitting the "back eight seconds" button to see Sybil's breasts one more time. Eventually, i just figured they'd freeze-frame on the breasts and be done with it.
5. The Song From Hell. See, the werewolves can chant evilly, and this makes people's eyes melt. The only way around this is to use sacred earplugs. Made from melted-down sacred candles. Pete Townsend could have avoided tinnitus if he'd only used these.
6. Werewolf sex. A werewolf threesome, actually. Complete with mid-coitus transformations. I need to melt some sacred candles on my brain to make me forget this.
7. Speaking of sex, I certainly don't doubt that there are some movies that could make good use out of letting us know that werewolves can smell humans rutting. But this one isn't one of them.
8. A small inn in a haunted village featuring room 666. It's like they're not even trying here.
9. Flaming werewolves. No, I'm not talking about the threesome. I'm referring to the finale, in which Christopher Lee (who turns out to be a werewolf gone good) and his evil sister burst into flames after being stabbed.
10. The "killer in the backseat" cliche, with the hidden killer turning out to be a werewolf. Yeah, like anyone wouldn't see (or smell) one of those in their car.
And those are the big things. Don't get me started on the acting quality, the script, the effects, the revisions to the ending of the first movie, or the random mysterious rituals.
The Howling series (minus the first movie) is a big heaping pile of derivative suck. But Howling 2: Your Sister is a Werewolf and also a She-Bitch Named Stirba takes "suck" to a whole new level. It's an awful film, but a great one to MST3K.
*Also released under the title Howling 2: Stirba, the Werewolf Bitch. Which is a weaker title? You decide!
**Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference.
If Bride of Frankenstein is the best horror sequel ever, Howling 2: Your Sister is a Werewolf* is the worst. It's got to be one of the worst movies of all time, no matter what criteria you use.
That said, it's got enough awful stuff in it that it's actually almost good, if you have enough alcohol or drugs in your system.
I won't bother with the plot -- which is the typical werewolf cliche involving the discovery of werewolves, the search for their leader, and the climactic fight. Instead, I'll just mention the highlights and lowlights** of the movie:
1. Christopher Lee. Christopher Lee is good in any movie. Alas, he's wasted here, as the werewolf hunter who is there solely to dole out advice and eventually get killed.
2. Sybil Danning. As the occasionally-titular Stirba, she goes topless for a good portion of the movie. And bad as she is here, she really is one of the great B-movie stars of her day.
3. Werewolves who can only be killed by titanium. Yes, the lupines cannot be harmed by silver or by normal means, but a good shot of a metal that wasn't discovered until the late 18th Century can kill them. Must've sucked to be a werewolf hunter in the old days.
4. The worst music video credits ever to close out a movie. See, there's a crappy bar band in the opening scene of the movie who presumably all slept with the director or something, so they get their awful song played again over the closing credits. And the video features Danning tearing open her shirt and revealing her breasts. Over and over. It's like some crazed film editor sat there with a Tivo, and kept hitting the "back eight seconds" button to see Sybil's breasts one more time. Eventually, i just figured they'd freeze-frame on the breasts and be done with it.
5. The Song From Hell. See, the werewolves can chant evilly, and this makes people's eyes melt. The only way around this is to use sacred earplugs. Made from melted-down sacred candles. Pete Townsend could have avoided tinnitus if he'd only used these.
6. Werewolf sex. A werewolf threesome, actually. Complete with mid-coitus transformations. I need to melt some sacred candles on my brain to make me forget this.
7. Speaking of sex, I certainly don't doubt that there are some movies that could make good use out of letting us know that werewolves can smell humans rutting. But this one isn't one of them.
8. A small inn in a haunted village featuring room 666. It's like they're not even trying here.
9. Flaming werewolves. No, I'm not talking about the threesome. I'm referring to the finale, in which Christopher Lee (who turns out to be a werewolf gone good) and his evil sister burst into flames after being stabbed.
10. The "killer in the backseat" cliche, with the hidden killer turning out to be a werewolf. Yeah, like anyone wouldn't see (or smell) one of those in their car.
And those are the big things. Don't get me started on the acting quality, the script, the effects, the revisions to the ending of the first movie, or the random mysterious rituals.
The Howling series (minus the first movie) is a big heaping pile of derivative suck. But Howling 2: Your Sister is a Werewolf and also a She-Bitch Named Stirba takes "suck" to a whole new level. It's an awful film, but a great one to MST3K.
*Also released under the title Howling 2: Stirba, the Werewolf Bitch. Which is a weaker title? You decide!
**Sometimes it's hard to tell the difference.