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yendiHalloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers
Concept: Michael Myers, having been left for dead by people who should know better, gets carried downriver, where a random Hobo of Kindness finds him, and nurses him back to health for a year while Michael lies in a coma. Just in time for a certain holiday, Michael wakes up, kills the Hobo of Kindness, and sets off for Haddonfield to find Jamie (his niece) and kill people (starting with Rachel, who managed to survive the previous film). Meanwhile, his niece has been in an insane asylum ever since the ending of the last film, in which she seemed to inherit Michael's insanity, but really just developed a psychic bond with him (and she's become mute, something else she presumably gets from her uncle). Oh, and there's a mysterious Man in Black wandering around, but he doesn't seem to be Johnny Cash or Agent J or K.
Body Count: The ending makes it tough to measure, but we get at least ten bodies before the MiB starts firing away.
Really Bad Kills: None.
Really Good Kills: Although most of the kills are pretty straightforward, I'm a big fan of Michael's final kill, that of Deputy Charlie Bloch (yeah, the not-so-subtle naming continues). Not only does Bloch sacrifice himself to allow Jamie to escape (the second such time that happens in this movie, as Tina gives up her life for Jamie as well), but in the process of fighting Michael, Michael manages to hang him out the window. Hanging deaths are tough to pull off in slasher films (Twitch of the Death Nerve and A Nightmare on Elm Street are the other ones that have done it nicely, but they had the advantages of using a wheelchair and dream magic, respectively), so props for pulling it off.
Celebrities: Well, aside from the ubiquitous Pleasance, Danielle Harris as Jamie would go on to do the most notable roles (Harris played the goth roomie who got strangled in Urban Legend, and has done voice work for The Wild Thonrberrys and Father of the Pride). Beau Starr, who plays the sheriff, is a damned fine character actor who Due South fans will remember as Lt. Welsh.
Denouement: After the murder of Bloch, Jamie eventually confronts her uncle, and gets him to remove his mask, and says, "see, you look just like me." This causes Michael to start crying, because, you know, even serial killers who are the epitome of true evil have feelings, you know! This leads to Loomis subduing him, and the cops take Michael to jail. All is well in the world. But suddenly, that mysterious Man In Black who's been wandering around visits the police station, and does his best to create a shot-by-shot recreation of the police station massacre scene from Terminator. Artistically, he fails, but he still kills the entire Haddonfield police force, after which he rescues Michael, grabs Jamie, and rides off into the sunset. Oh noes! Cliffhanger! Okay, granted, I already covered it yesterday, but if you failed to read my review, you might be in suspense. Or, you might do what almost everyone who saw this movie did, which is to shrug, go, "man, that was lame," and move on to better movies.
Miscellany: This film was written and directed by Dominique Othenin Girard, the same hack who gave us the direct-to-tv fourth Omen movie. He has since gone on to make made-for-tv movies in various EU countries, having moved from Germany to Italy to France, presumably staying one step ahead of all the film producers and fans he's pissed off. Expect him to be joined by Uwe Boll in his journeys in a few years.
Overall: So, where to begin? How about with Tina's lame boyfriend (named, go figure, Mikey)? Aside from the fact that he practically wears a sign around his neck that says, "kill me -- I'm fodder," he walks around a barn party wearing -- get this -- a Michael Myers mask. So naturally, Michael kills him, and of course, Tina sees him and assumes it's really the boyfriend, not the boogeyman. Because they look exactly alike, body-wise. Yeah, it's that sort of moronic flick.
But it gets worse. There's the fact that Michael, instead of killing Tina (then, at least), pretends to be the boyfriend, and kidnaps her (she only realizes something is wrong when he doesn't stop the car). Now granted, Michael's not above fucking around a little bit, but usually he'll use confusion only to get the opportunity to kill.
And then there's the murder of Rachel. First, I'm not a fan of Final Girls getting offed, period. It was okay back in F13 Part 2, because it was different. But the strength of the Final GIrl is that she's now made it out alive, and therefore might bring death onto everyone near her, but is essentially immune. See Sidney Prescott for the contemporary prototype. Second, there's the pointlessness of it. Had this film progressed along the same plotline, but with Rachel sacrificing herself for Jamie near the end, her death would have mattered a lot more. But this was just an excuse to replace Rachel with the less wholesome and interesting Tina, whose involvement in the Jamie situation is tenuous, at best. Third, there's the ten minutes of camera stalking that Michael does of Rachel that is one of the most exploitative sequences around, made moreso by the fact that Rachel, gorgeous as she is, is still a Final Girl, and thus feels way too innocent to get killed after a nude shower scene. I'm all for nihilism, done right, but that's not what we got here. We got a pointless death, most likely because the director simply preferred a different heroine.
(That said, there's a ton of hatred for Tina out there, which isn't exactly fair. Her character is annoying, granted, but she does sacrifice herself for Jamie. She'd have been a perfectly fine supporting character -- she just should never have been elevated to the lead adult role. She's supposed to be the ditzy and probably coke-snorting friend who dies after the other fodder, but before the finale.)
But wait -- there's more. We get the two dumbest deputy cops on the silver screen ever. And that includes any and all of the Police Academy movies. And we don't even get to see them die on screen. Fuck that shit.
And we get emotional Michael! He lets Tina live for way longer than one would expect. Loomis is almost able to reason with him. And Jamie gets him to cry! Yeah, I suppose the point of this is that Michael is getting emotional feedback from the psychic bond he shares with his niece. Whatever.
In fact, what the hell is up with the psychic bond in the first place?
And what's really scary is that Michael emotes better than his victims! Seriously, the mid-movie victims (the boyfriend, the slut, her lover, and the cops) are the five worst actors in the film. And they're bad even by "bad horror movie" standards.
So what's good about this? Danielle Harris, in a nutshell. This girl could act. Still can, but child acting (other than just "being cute") is rarer. She does a great job. And the twist ending with the Man in Black, although silly, at least raised some interesting questions, even if they'd completely fail to be answered.
That said, there's a lot more stuff that sucks than stuff that's good here. Definitely recommendation to avoid, or to watch in a group and make fun of it.
Remember: I won't be updating this series over the weekend, so the next film will appear on Monday.
Concept: Michael Myers, having been left for dead by people who should know better, gets carried downriver, where a random Hobo of Kindness finds him, and nurses him back to health for a year while Michael lies in a coma. Just in time for a certain holiday, Michael wakes up, kills the Hobo of Kindness, and sets off for Haddonfield to find Jamie (his niece) and kill people (starting with Rachel, who managed to survive the previous film). Meanwhile, his niece has been in an insane asylum ever since the ending of the last film, in which she seemed to inherit Michael's insanity, but really just developed a psychic bond with him (and she's become mute, something else she presumably gets from her uncle). Oh, and there's a mysterious Man in Black wandering around, but he doesn't seem to be Johnny Cash or Agent J or K.
Body Count: The ending makes it tough to measure, but we get at least ten bodies before the MiB starts firing away.
Really Bad Kills: None.
Really Good Kills: Although most of the kills are pretty straightforward, I'm a big fan of Michael's final kill, that of Deputy Charlie Bloch (yeah, the not-so-subtle naming continues). Not only does Bloch sacrifice himself to allow Jamie to escape (the second such time that happens in this movie, as Tina gives up her life for Jamie as well), but in the process of fighting Michael, Michael manages to hang him out the window. Hanging deaths are tough to pull off in slasher films (Twitch of the Death Nerve and A Nightmare on Elm Street are the other ones that have done it nicely, but they had the advantages of using a wheelchair and dream magic, respectively), so props for pulling it off.
Celebrities: Well, aside from the ubiquitous Pleasance, Danielle Harris as Jamie would go on to do the most notable roles (Harris played the goth roomie who got strangled in Urban Legend, and has done voice work for The Wild Thonrberrys and Father of the Pride). Beau Starr, who plays the sheriff, is a damned fine character actor who Due South fans will remember as Lt. Welsh.
Denouement: After the murder of Bloch, Jamie eventually confronts her uncle, and gets him to remove his mask, and says, "see, you look just like me." This causes Michael to start crying, because, you know, even serial killers who are the epitome of true evil have feelings, you know! This leads to Loomis subduing him, and the cops take Michael to jail. All is well in the world. But suddenly, that mysterious Man In Black who's been wandering around visits the police station, and does his best to create a shot-by-shot recreation of the police station massacre scene from Terminator. Artistically, he fails, but he still kills the entire Haddonfield police force, after which he rescues Michael, grabs Jamie, and rides off into the sunset. Oh noes! Cliffhanger! Okay, granted, I already covered it yesterday, but if you failed to read my review, you might be in suspense. Or, you might do what almost everyone who saw this movie did, which is to shrug, go, "man, that was lame," and move on to better movies.
Miscellany: This film was written and directed by Dominique Othenin Girard, the same hack who gave us the direct-to-tv fourth Omen movie. He has since gone on to make made-for-tv movies in various EU countries, having moved from Germany to Italy to France, presumably staying one step ahead of all the film producers and fans he's pissed off. Expect him to be joined by Uwe Boll in his journeys in a few years.
Overall: So, where to begin? How about with Tina's lame boyfriend (named, go figure, Mikey)? Aside from the fact that he practically wears a sign around his neck that says, "kill me -- I'm fodder," he walks around a barn party wearing -- get this -- a Michael Myers mask. So naturally, Michael kills him, and of course, Tina sees him and assumes it's really the boyfriend, not the boogeyman. Because they look exactly alike, body-wise. Yeah, it's that sort of moronic flick.
But it gets worse. There's the fact that Michael, instead of killing Tina (then, at least), pretends to be the boyfriend, and kidnaps her (she only realizes something is wrong when he doesn't stop the car). Now granted, Michael's not above fucking around a little bit, but usually he'll use confusion only to get the opportunity to kill.
And then there's the murder of Rachel. First, I'm not a fan of Final Girls getting offed, period. It was okay back in F13 Part 2, because it was different. But the strength of the Final GIrl is that she's now made it out alive, and therefore might bring death onto everyone near her, but is essentially immune. See Sidney Prescott for the contemporary prototype. Second, there's the pointlessness of it. Had this film progressed along the same plotline, but with Rachel sacrificing herself for Jamie near the end, her death would have mattered a lot more. But this was just an excuse to replace Rachel with the less wholesome and interesting Tina, whose involvement in the Jamie situation is tenuous, at best. Third, there's the ten minutes of camera stalking that Michael does of Rachel that is one of the most exploitative sequences around, made moreso by the fact that Rachel, gorgeous as she is, is still a Final Girl, and thus feels way too innocent to get killed after a nude shower scene. I'm all for nihilism, done right, but that's not what we got here. We got a pointless death, most likely because the director simply preferred a different heroine.
(That said, there's a ton of hatred for Tina out there, which isn't exactly fair. Her character is annoying, granted, but she does sacrifice herself for Jamie. She'd have been a perfectly fine supporting character -- she just should never have been elevated to the lead adult role. She's supposed to be the ditzy and probably coke-snorting friend who dies after the other fodder, but before the finale.)
But wait -- there's more. We get the two dumbest deputy cops on the silver screen ever. And that includes any and all of the Police Academy movies. And we don't even get to see them die on screen. Fuck that shit.
And we get emotional Michael! He lets Tina live for way longer than one would expect. Loomis is almost able to reason with him. And Jamie gets him to cry! Yeah, I suppose the point of this is that Michael is getting emotional feedback from the psychic bond he shares with his niece. Whatever.
In fact, what the hell is up with the psychic bond in the first place?
And what's really scary is that Michael emotes better than his victims! Seriously, the mid-movie victims (the boyfriend, the slut, her lover, and the cops) are the five worst actors in the film. And they're bad even by "bad horror movie" standards.
So what's good about this? Danielle Harris, in a nutshell. This girl could act. Still can, but child acting (other than just "being cute") is rarer. She does a great job. And the twist ending with the Man in Black, although silly, at least raised some interesting questions, even if they'd completely fail to be answered.
That said, there's a lot more stuff that sucks than stuff that's good here. Definitely recommendation to avoid, or to watch in a group and make fun of it.
Remember: I won't be updating this series over the weekend, so the next film will appear on Monday.
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(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-21 04:19 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-10-21 04:32 pm (UTC)And yeah, it's a lot easier to look kindly on it now when the primary complaint about it ("there's no Michael Myers") turned out to not mean nearly as much once we got Michael back and realized that a good killer in a bad movie still sucks.