Dear Russell Brand:

[yendi]

Please find some obnoxiously horrible way to shuffle off this mortal coil before filming this remake, okay? Yes, you were funny when schtupping Kristen Bell in all sorts of interesting positions in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, but you are not, no matter what your press clippings say, the second coming of Dudley Moore. Really.

That said, I am looking forward to your role in Taymor's version of The Tempest. Stick to that kind of remake; it'll suit you better.