I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore!

Folks, if you're one of the folks who sits and bitches about lack of quality tv (like I do), or (even worse), one of the folks who watched things like Everybody Loves Raymond and The King of Queens, you owe it to yourself to see Network over and over. It doesn't matter that it was written back in the days when there were only three channels to watch. It's still the best damned insight into the fucked up (yet still capable of brilliance) industry that so many of us rely on to either feed or anesthetize our brains.

Speaking of anesthetizing brains, Jeepers Creepers 2 managed to set a record as the highest-grossing Labor Day weekend film ever. That means that roughly 2,846,154 folks (at an average of $6.50 a ticket) plunked down money to support a movie that A) is a sequel to an incredibly lame horror movie, and B) is directed and written by a child molester (don't click on that link if you don't want to know what that asshole director has done -- potential trigger issues). Fuck all 2,846,154 of you with a chainsaw and/or your signed copy of the DVD of Powder.

The press release I didn't see.

After seeing all the reports of how this movie broke Labor Day records, I realized that most of the press was ignoring the other record that was set. So I decided to write up the story myself:

Jeepers Creepers 2 sets record for pederast-directed films.

Jeepers Creepers 2, directed by convicted child molester Victor Salva, set a new record this weekend for films directed by pederasts, drawing $18.5 million. The movie, which was the darling of this year's NAMBLA Film Festival, tells the story of a predatory creature who discovers a stranded school bus and picks off the teenage boys on the bus one at a time. It is rumored to be semi-autobiographical.

Pedophile Salva, who served fifteen months in jail in the early 1990s for molesting a twelve-year-old boy, was unavailable for comment.

Francis Ford Coppola, whose American Zoetrope company produced the movie, was proud of the accomplishment.

"Well, it's not the same as the record for movies directed by sex offenders," he said, referring to noted rapist Roman Polanski's 1988 film Frantic, which made over $20 million after adjusting for inflation, "but we're all proud of Victor. He keeps growing as a director, and we don't have any doubt that he'll soon be the most successful sex offending director in the world."

(Yeah, you can forward this one if you'd like, as long as you retain my copyright and a disclaimer that it's satire. Which doesn't make the the molestation conviction and the fact that Coppola is financially supporting this shithead any less true, alas.)