My solution to the Gilmore Girls problem

So Gilmore Girls is coming back as a series of four Netflix films, with Amy Sherman-Palladino(hopefully not at Season 6 Burnout levels) at the helm. Yay!

But as anyone who's seen the Veronica Mars movie knows, revisiting an old property can lead to a nostalgia-fueled attempt to cram too much "oh, that person" moments at the expense of a decent story. And Gilmore Girls has a supporting cast roughly the size of the Bronx.

So here's the fix:

Make the first movie a slasher.

Bear with me. It makes sense.

See, have each minor character appear, get some to do Their Quirky Thing, and then get killed off gruesomely. This allows all the needed fan service, without them dragging down the plot. Miss Patty can make a handful of lewd remarks, then take an axe to the head. Kirk can run some unfeasible business into the ground, then take a knife in the throat. Taylor will be condescending, then sliced open with a machete. TJ and Liz can bug Luke one last time before a double-spear impalement. Etc. Of course, the revelation will be that Jess is the killer (because anyone who would steal books and write in them is absolutely capable of murder, so Fuck Jess), and when Rory decapitates him, it'll be a shining moment in the show's history.

And then the remaining movies can focus on Lorelai, Rory, Paris, Lane (widowed, because jesus fuck, who wants Zach?), Luke, Sookie (not widowed, because Jackson's one quirky minor character worth keeping -- you do need a few), Emily, and a handful of others (I actually like Logan, fwiw). One slasher, then we've cleared the way for three episodes that actually matter.

My solution to the Gilmore Girls Problem

So Gilmore Girls is coming back as a series of four Netflix films, with Amy Sherman-Palladino(hopefully not at Season 6 Burnout levels) at the helm. Yay!

But as anyone who's seen the Veronica Mars movie knows, revisiting an old property can lead to a nostalgia-fueled attempt to cram too much "oh, that person" moments at the expense of a decent story. And Gilmore Girls has a supporting cast roughly the size of the Bronx.

So here's the fix:

Make the first movie a slasher.

Bear with me. It makes sense.

See, have each minor character appear, get some to do Their Quirky Thing, and then get killed off gruesomely. This allows all the needed fan service, without them dragging down the plot. Miss Patty can make a handful of lewd remarks, then take an axe to the head. Kirk can run some unfeasible business into the ground, then take a knife in the throat. Taylor will be condescending, then sliced open with a machete. TJ and Liz can bug Luke one last time before a double-spear impalement. Etc. Of course, the revelation will be that Jess is the killer (because anyone who would steal books and write in them is absolutely capable of murder, so Fuck Jess), and when Rory decapitates him, it'll be a shining moment in the show's history.

And then the remaining movies can focus on Lorelai, Rory, Paris, Lane (widowed, because jesus fuck, who wants Zach?), Luke, Sookie (not widowed, because Jackson's one quirky minor character worth keeping -- you do need a few), Emily, and a handful of others (I actually like Logan, fwiw). One slasher, then we've cleared the way for three episodes that actually matter.