Heh

[yendi]

Gorilla Sales Skyrocket After Latest Gorilla Attack

It's a ridiculous piece, even by Onion standards, of course. Everyone knows that the real solution is to give gorillas to every teacher.

Comments

[jcfiala.livejournal.com]

I think we shouldn't allow people to buy simians that weigh more than 90 lbs, myself. You can go hunting with a 90 pound monkey and have just as much fun as one of these automatic gorillas.

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

Gorillas aren't monkeys; they're apes. You're making the same mistake that most of the liberal press makes, and conflating two completely different things!

When people say "ape", they really mean "any simian that looks scary", regardless of its actual destructive power. And whenever people write simian control laws, their definition of "ape" is absolutely ridiculous. For instance, not every monkey has a tail, even though that's part of the Simian Regulation Act that, fortunately, expired a couple years back.

[elsewhereangel.livejournal.com]

But, as I keep insisting, I didn't go into teaching to spend my time worrying about gorillas!