Worst. Movie. Ever.
Jan. 3rd, 2003 11:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
yendiSo, Browsing through the Tivo listings earlier this week, I noticed something called The Mangler 2.
Now, The Mangler, for those who don't remember, was the mid-'90s movie starring Robert "Freddy Krueger" Englund, directed by Tobe Hooper (of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Poltergeist, and Salem's Lot fame), and based on the Stephen King short story. It was about a laundry pressing machine that was possessed, and was just as bad as it sounds. It pretty much ended Hooper's career as a film director, and deservedly so. It flopped miserably, and certainly should never have spawned a sequel. But it did, and since the sequel had Lance Henriksen in it, as well as the always-easy-on-the-eyes Chelse Swain (Bonnie from THe Virgin Suicides) and and Daniella Evangelista, I told the Tivo to record it.
If I'd bothered to check any reviews, I'd have known better.
Folks, this movie is #2 on the IMDB worst films. It's got a 1.5/10 rating. And that's because people were clearly being generous.
It was unbelievably bad. And I have a high tolerance for bad flicks.
The movie, like Halloween 3, Prom Night 2, and Urban Legends: Final Cut wasn't a sequel, but a totally new horror movie being marketed under the previous name. Which didn't make sense, since unlike those other three films, there wasn't a solid movie to start the series off. But that was the least of the problems.
The "plot": at a "college" that's actually run like a strict boarding school, a rebellious girl uploads a virus onto the state-of-the-art computer system, and the next ninety minutes are basically Demon Seed 2: Electric Boogaloo. The security system is now sentient, it calls the few staff members on campus and the girl's four friends (the five of them are the only ones still on campus, in a twist unheard of since, oh, Halloween: H20). The computer doesn't always remember its own power, so sometimes it kills them with near-omnipotent powers (sending boiling water through the fire extinguishers, attaching a large pair of shears to a wire and chopping off some guy's head), but more often than not, it forgets that it can kill everyone until the director feels like it. The computer eventually gains sentience and wants to procreate with the lead female, who uses chaos theory to kill it (everyone thank Jeff Goldblum's character in Jurassic Park, without whom, the villain could never have been killed). Lance is just a supporting character, as the evil, scenery-chewing principle who serves as the human foil for the spunky kids. And no, even the gore-hounds have nothing to gain from this film; all the killings happen off-screen (excluding one electrocution and one hanging), as the f/x budget was apparently blown on the computer screen-shots.
I won't even get into the various plot-holes, not least of which were the computer-based ones. Suffice to say, it sucked in every bad way a movie can suck. I honestly didn't think I could find a movie clearly worse than Bug Buster, but I have.
I need to go scrub my brain now. With bleach.
Now, The Mangler, for those who don't remember, was the mid-'90s movie starring Robert "Freddy Krueger" Englund, directed by Tobe Hooper (of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Poltergeist, and Salem's Lot fame), and based on the Stephen King short story. It was about a laundry pressing machine that was possessed, and was just as bad as it sounds. It pretty much ended Hooper's career as a film director, and deservedly so. It flopped miserably, and certainly should never have spawned a sequel. But it did, and since the sequel had Lance Henriksen in it, as well as the always-easy-on-the-eyes Chelse Swain (Bonnie from THe Virgin Suicides) and and Daniella Evangelista, I told the Tivo to record it.
If I'd bothered to check any reviews, I'd have known better.
Folks, this movie is #2 on the IMDB worst films. It's got a 1.5/10 rating. And that's because people were clearly being generous.
It was unbelievably bad. And I have a high tolerance for bad flicks.
The movie, like Halloween 3, Prom Night 2, and Urban Legends: Final Cut wasn't a sequel, but a totally new horror movie being marketed under the previous name. Which didn't make sense, since unlike those other three films, there wasn't a solid movie to start the series off. But that was the least of the problems.
The "plot": at a "college" that's actually run like a strict boarding school, a rebellious girl uploads a virus onto the state-of-the-art computer system, and the next ninety minutes are basically Demon Seed 2: Electric Boogaloo. The security system is now sentient, it calls the few staff members on campus and the girl's four friends (the five of them are the only ones still on campus, in a twist unheard of since, oh, Halloween: H20). The computer doesn't always remember its own power, so sometimes it kills them with near-omnipotent powers (sending boiling water through the fire extinguishers, attaching a large pair of shears to a wire and chopping off some guy's head), but more often than not, it forgets that it can kill everyone until the director feels like it. The computer eventually gains sentience and wants to procreate with the lead female, who uses chaos theory to kill it (everyone thank Jeff Goldblum's character in Jurassic Park, without whom, the villain could never have been killed). Lance is just a supporting character, as the evil, scenery-chewing principle who serves as the human foil for the spunky kids. And no, even the gore-hounds have nothing to gain from this film; all the killings happen off-screen (excluding one electrocution and one hanging), as the f/x budget was apparently blown on the computer screen-shots.
I won't even get into the various plot-holes, not least of which were the computer-based ones. Suffice to say, it sucked in every bad way a movie can suck. I honestly didn't think I could find a movie clearly worse than Bug Buster, but I have.
I need to go scrub my brain now. With bleach.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2003-01-03 08:55 pm (UTC)Does this dethrone Ishtar, even?
(no subject)
Date: 2003-01-03 11:49 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-01-03 09:07 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-01-04 08:17 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-01-03 10:00 pm (UTC)and Ishtar is a scapegoat for "there's a wardrobe of love in my eyes, come in and find something in"
Date: 2003-01-03 10:50 pm (UTC)(though not for the Barnum patter song - I performed that just a few years ago and hope it doesn't cause me to toss in my sleep tonight).
I had wondered what did Hooper in.
I also greatly enjoyed the King story it was based on.
I had a spark of interest that
Hooper was the first director on
Spielberg's Sci Fi Channel
TAKEN series,
but I'm having a drudgery getting thru the series
(maybe resentment for the trailers before every movie last year).
It could be worse though,
you could be suffering through GUN SHY.
Re: and Ishtar is a scapegoat for "there's a wardrobe of love in my eyes, come in and find something
Date: 2003-01-04 09:22 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-01-03 11:47 pm (UTC)I can not convey how bad this movie is. Trust me, my review of it doesn't do the movie justice.
(no subject)
Date: 2003-01-04 08:38 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-01-04 12:02 am (UTC)What's #1?
(no subject)
Date: 2003-01-04 08:19 am (UTC)http://us.imdb.com/bottom_100_films
(no subject)
Date: 2003-01-04 08:05 am (UTC)You should have known better than to watch it. It's terrible when bad movies aren't even fun bad.
(no subject)
Date: 2003-01-04 08:20 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2003-01-04 08:51 am (UTC)I was very amused by the list though. Orgy of the Dead. Who knew? (I have seen a few of the ones listed--personally I feel Touch of Satan was loads better than Drac2K.)
(no subject)
Date: 2003-01-04 09:17 am (UTC)