A note to all would-be writers of porn

[yendi]

If you are going to use the phrase "taught nipple," the breast had damned well better have learned algebra. Otherwise, please look up "taut" in your dictionary.

Comments

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Not to mention the "throatal moans".... and the oozing... you so need to MST3K that story!

You also need to report Thee Mushroom Forest. Or at least dig up the link and let me repost it. Because that was some funny shit.

[ocean-song.livejournal.com]

ROTFL. Well, mine are pretty good at Discrete Math (shhhh!) but I haven't been able to get anywhere in teaching them quadratic equations. Help!

Also, I am wondering what exactly allows one to be able to spin one's nipples in time with one another and the music (al la burlesque dancers with pasties). I'd certainly like to teach them *that* trick and forget the math entirely. Is it the thrust of the hips? Is it gravity? The shake of the shoulders? A really strong set of pecs? What??? Since you are obviously a member of the nipple police, could you reseach this and get back to me? Thanks.

[felisdemens.livejournal.com]

Whatever this story is, it should definitely be reposted, and possibly submitted to Nerve's Bad Erotica contest. There's a "Found Bad Erotica" section.

Y'know what I hate? The word "slimy" in porn. That word is not erotic. I also loathe breath that comes in "short, ragged pants". It couldn't afford nice pants?

[beachsomewhere.livejournal.com]

Muahaha!

This could inspire a whole new series of jokes... "Your mama's nipples are so dumb... "

[yendi]

The nipple police? Man, I so need to see the badge I get for that!

As for spinning the nipples, I'd say prosthetics are the most likely solution. Or mutations. Maybe there's an X-Man somewhere who's only power is to spin her nipples in time with the music? Have Dazzler and Longshot had their kid yet?

[yendi]

http://www.livejournal.com/users/yendi/161077.html was my LJ entry, and http://www.learnlink.emory.edu/~alipkin/mushroom.htm is the MST3K itself.

[yendi]

It's the latest post in eroticstories.

LOL on the breath comment. :-)

[branwynelf.livejournal.com]

Well the nipples might have had to be taught to be taut.

[yendi]

I wonder what sort of certificate one would need to be able to teach tautness. :-)

[branwynelf.livejournal.com]

Now wouldn't you just love to know? ;)

[juanfandango.livejournal.com]

A really skeelled meenion should be able to attach circular saws to her neepples and be useful for cutting wood.