May I Have Your Attention Please!

[yendi]

This Saturday, as some of you know, I'll be heading out to Big Rapids, MI, to present at the 2003 Resnet Symposium. I'll be there through Wednesday.

This Saturday is also the day that Amazon has promised us that the next Harry Potter book will arrive at our house. shadesong has promised (well, vowed) to finish it by Wednesday night, so I'll start it on the 25th.

I do not intend to skimp on my LJ reading during this time.

This means, if you are planning on spoiling anything about the book past page three or so, don't. Or please use a cut-tag.

I mean it.

If anyone on my friends list spoils the book for me, I will be obligated to take their copy of the book and force it up their rectum. Without lubricant.

For those who are wondering, the book is 896 pages long, and two inches thick.

You would not enjoy the experience. And your copy of the book (and your anus, come to think of it) will no longer be mint.

Just a little preemptive warning. Needless to say, I have no intentions of spoiling the book for any of you, either.

Carry on.

Comments

[darkmattr.livejournal.com]

Gollum dry humps Dobby at the end.

There, now your spoilt.

Also...

[ariedana.livejournal.com]

Herminone, Cho and Ginny have a big lesbian 3-way, and Harry and Ron get caught smoking up a bong in the girls bathroom.

Oops, sorry...too much fanfic.

Re: Also...

[rubrchick]

After you read it, will you do a Two Truths and a Lie with spoilers(lj-cut, of course!) ? Although, since I'm the only person who has no intention of reading it, I might be the only one who could play.

Re: Also...

[ariedana.livejournal.com]

Sure! I'll probably do some sort of running commentary while I'm reading the book too, all with great big spoiler warnings.

Re: Also...

[gwynraven.livejournal.com]

ooh, now this I'd like to see :)

Re: Also...

[ariedana.livejournal.com]

LMAO, so would I.

[metaphorge.livejournal.com]

That's the spolier from Return of the King dammit, except for one thing: there's a lot of wetness.

It buuuuuurnses us!

[bassfingers.livejournal.com]

It buuuuuurnses us!

I hear a shot of penicillin will clear that right up...

[hotcoffeems.livejournal.com]

And your copy of the book (and your anus, come to think of it) will no longer be mint.

Mint, as in minty-fresh? In your experience do most people keep their anuses minty-fresh?

Oh, sorry. I'm in a mood again...

[yendi]

You know, I actually thought about clarifying or re-writing that part, but then I figured, "what're the odds of anyone's mind going in that direction?"

[hotcoffeems.livejournal.com]

Honey, you should have known better. Mmm-hmmm.

[mycroftca.livejournal.com]

My dear, peppermint, or any other mint, used on the anus would be dis-ass-trous.

Since you asked ...

[sibylla.livejournal.com]

I'll bet that if you go to MintyAss.com (http://www.mintyass.com), you could find some useful statistics to help answer your question.

Helpfully yours,
Velveteena, a.k.a. Zoë the Porn Star

Re: Since you asked ...

[felisdemens.livejournal.com]

Yes! Sphincterine will make both items *mintier*!

[voltbang.livejournal.com]

Brushing twice a day isn't the problem, it's the flossing that gets to me.

[hotcoffeems.livejournal.com]

That's where thongs come in handy, you know.

[dslartoo.livejournal.com]

Only two inches thick? Goblet of Fire was thicker than that and it was shorter. Or are you talking paperback rather than hardback? I'm confused.

cheers,
Phil

[yendi]

I was basing that on Amazon's stats, but now that you mention it, it probably is a lot thicker. Which only makes the threat worse. :-)

[terracinque.livejournal.com]

My hardcover UK edition of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire is two and three-eighths inches thick, including the covers.

[bheansidhe.livejournal.com]

Mmm. Two and three-eights inches thick sounds divine.


....oops. Did I say that?

[yendi]

You did! What's amazing is that it took someone over twelve hours to make an innuendo about the thickness of the book.

[bheansidhe.livejournal.com]

Well, I live to serve.

Speaking of something else, WHERE are my megacon photos!?!

[yendi]

Umm. On my computer. :-( I'll get them to you, just nag me when I'm at home.

I'm sorry

[technoshaman.livejournal.com]

Yes, but he specifically said no lube. Ew! Ewww!

[terracinque.livejournal.com]

I'm tempted to make a comment along the lines of "that's not the only thing I own with those dimensions, baby..."

But I'm above that.

[bheansidhe.livejournal.com]

wish I were below that!

[gmslegion.livejournal.com]

Well, then, I'll give you advance warning:

Some time on Saturday, I'm going to post a spoiler which I will have only just made up, concocted and imagined about one minute before I post it. It's amusing to see that the death threats for which I am angling are actually appearing days before I've done anything to warrant them.

[yendi]

Hell, made-up ones I can deal with.

[unwilly.livejournal.com]

Oh, then you don't want to know that Harry's parents are not really dead, but work for a Muggle spy agency, Harry is not really Harry, but a clone and Hermoine was dropped off The Thames Bridge by Voldemort.

UN

[mycroftca.livejournal.com]

I, too, will be out of town during the initial rush to the bookstores, and am hoping to get a copy sometime next week, assuming there are any left in Southern California (though I should be able to find one in Beverly Hills or Hollywood; they don't know how to read there). So, I appreciate your suggestive missive.....

[cissa.livejournal.com]

I'll be even slower than you; I'm waiting for it to come out, after which I'll order it, and several other items from Amazon UK, and will get them In The Fullness Of Time. This saves postage. And my TBR pile(s) are scary enough to keep me busy during the wait, anyway.

book?

[gev.livejournal.com]

Harry who?