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yendiWe're not kicking off the series with the well-intentioned, but miserable, second movie. No, bad as that was, little compares to the awful combination of mediocre kills, a plot that resembles a bad spy movie more than a horror flick, and the wretched acting found in the attempt to really, truly end the series known as A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 6: Freddy's Dead.
Concept: Freddy has killed his way through Springwood, and is down to the final kid, who might just be his own progeny (because you know how Freddy was all about the hotties when he was alive, and had a woman in every port). Apparently, Freddy's trapped in this one-kid town, unless he magically rides out on the dreams of a Springwood resident. Why would real-world geography in any way affect a dream-master's ability to find victims? Well, um, shut up! Stop making fun of the screenwriters, who were paid at least two bunches of shiny bananas for this script. And it shows.
The one surviving kid escapes town and, naturally, ends up at a home for wayward teen victims. While there, he manages to catch the eye of Maggie Burroughs, the hottest and least believable person with "Dr." before her name this side of Christmas Jones. She also has been having weird dreams, but dismisses them. Hottie Doctor and Kid Krueger head back to Springwood to face off against Freddie, while three annoying victims stow away in the van (security at the home for victims is lax, which is why it's a home for victims, not survivors). After a random meeting with Rosseane Barr and Tom Arnold (truly the scariest moment in this movie), our heroes enter Freddy's House of Doom, and the whacking commences. Soon, we discover, much to Kid Krueger's dismay, that Freddy's child is actually Hottie Doctor, and the Kid formerly known as Kid Krueger dreams his last dream. Thanks to his daughter's magical powers of father-carrying, or whatever, Freddy has now escaped. Oh noes! Will all the world's kids now dream of Freddy and die horribly gimmicky deaths? Only time, and the final 45 minutes of the movie, will tell.
Body Count: Three. The whole concept is that Freddy's run out of victims, after all.
Really bad kills:. Two. First, we have Carlos, who wears a hearing aid, and therefore has to die in a hearing-related way. Freddie gives him an extra-strength dream hearing aid, runs his claws over a chalkboard, and Boom! It's sillier than it sounds. But not as silly as the death of Spencer. Spencer gets sucked in a cut-rate Nintendo world, where he's tossed around, forced to jump all through the house, and eventually killed by Freddy while wearing a version of the old Nintendo Power Glove. The graphics were bad, even for the times, and the concept is just lame. It's pretty much a straight rip-off of the much better comic-book kill from the previous movie.
Really Good Kills: One. That would be our John Doe/Kid Krueger. In a dream, he's falling, but has a parachute. Then Freddy not only cuts the chute, but wheels a bed of spikes under the poor kid, so instead of just dying by hitting the ground, he also gets impaled. Gotta love it.
Freddy's quips: Although this movie tries to give Freddy some good lines, he really only gets one: Upon being told that he's now no longer in Spingwood, he says, "Every town has an Elm Street." Runner-up is Freddy's final line. Just as he's about to meet his doom at his daughter's hands, he turns to the camera and mutters, "kids."
Celebrities: Our heroine is portrayed by Lisa Zane, best known for sharing parents with Billy Zane, and bodily fluids with Heath Ledger. Spencer, our videogaming victim, is recognizable as TV's Breckin Meyer, who should soon vanish from the public eye once his seventeenth movie in a row bombs. "Doc" at the clinic is played by Mr. Big himself, Yaphet Kotto. And we get silly cameos from Johnny Depp, Alice Cooper, Roseanne Barr, and Tom Arnold.
Denouement: In a shocking twist unheard of since the first movie, Freddie is dreamed in the real world, where he is killed with ease. Yawn. But wait! They're using 3D special effects! How cool is that? (Hint: Not very.).
Miscellany: Director Rachel Talalay would go on to give us Tank Girl, which I adore, but everyone else hates. The screenplay itself was written by Michael De Luca, who also wrote The Lawnmower Man and Judge Dredd. A track record like that speaks for itself.
In terms of Freddy mythology, this completes the picture of his life, informing us of his wife and daughter, but it feels like a tacked-on backstory. In fact, instead of helping to explain or flesh out his character, it simply muddles up the story of his life.
Overall: This is a by-the-numbers movie produced by folks who can't count past three. We get gimmicks (3D! Roseanne!), derivative murders, crappy continuity, and some of the worst acting in the series. Avoid this movie.
Concept: Freddy has killed his way through Springwood, and is down to the final kid, who might just be his own progeny (because you know how Freddy was all about the hotties when he was alive, and had a woman in every port). Apparently, Freddy's trapped in this one-kid town, unless he magically rides out on the dreams of a Springwood resident. Why would real-world geography in any way affect a dream-master's ability to find victims? Well, um, shut up! Stop making fun of the screenwriters, who were paid at least two bunches of shiny bananas for this script. And it shows.
The one surviving kid escapes town and, naturally, ends up at a home for wayward teen victims. While there, he manages to catch the eye of Maggie Burroughs, the hottest and least believable person with "Dr." before her name this side of Christmas Jones. She also has been having weird dreams, but dismisses them. Hottie Doctor and Kid Krueger head back to Springwood to face off against Freddie, while three annoying victims stow away in the van (security at the home for victims is lax, which is why it's a home for victims, not survivors). After a random meeting with Rosseane Barr and Tom Arnold (truly the scariest moment in this movie), our heroes enter Freddy's House of Doom, and the whacking commences. Soon, we discover, much to Kid Krueger's dismay, that Freddy's child is actually Hottie Doctor, and the Kid formerly known as Kid Krueger dreams his last dream. Thanks to his daughter's magical powers of father-carrying, or whatever, Freddy has now escaped. Oh noes! Will all the world's kids now dream of Freddy and die horribly gimmicky deaths? Only time, and the final 45 minutes of the movie, will tell.
Body Count: Three. The whole concept is that Freddy's run out of victims, after all.
Really bad kills:. Two. First, we have Carlos, who wears a hearing aid, and therefore has to die in a hearing-related way. Freddie gives him an extra-strength dream hearing aid, runs his claws over a chalkboard, and Boom! It's sillier than it sounds. But not as silly as the death of Spencer. Spencer gets sucked in a cut-rate Nintendo world, where he's tossed around, forced to jump all through the house, and eventually killed by Freddy while wearing a version of the old Nintendo Power Glove. The graphics were bad, even for the times, and the concept is just lame. It's pretty much a straight rip-off of the much better comic-book kill from the previous movie.
Really Good Kills: One. That would be our John Doe/Kid Krueger. In a dream, he's falling, but has a parachute. Then Freddy not only cuts the chute, but wheels a bed of spikes under the poor kid, so instead of just dying by hitting the ground, he also gets impaled. Gotta love it.
Freddy's quips: Although this movie tries to give Freddy some good lines, he really only gets one: Upon being told that he's now no longer in Spingwood, he says, "Every town has an Elm Street." Runner-up is Freddy's final line. Just as he's about to meet his doom at his daughter's hands, he turns to the camera and mutters, "kids."
Celebrities: Our heroine is portrayed by Lisa Zane, best known for sharing parents with Billy Zane, and bodily fluids with Heath Ledger. Spencer, our videogaming victim, is recognizable as TV's Breckin Meyer, who should soon vanish from the public eye once his seventeenth movie in a row bombs. "Doc" at the clinic is played by Mr. Big himself, Yaphet Kotto. And we get silly cameos from Johnny Depp, Alice Cooper, Roseanne Barr, and Tom Arnold.
Denouement: In a shocking twist unheard of since the first movie, Freddie is dreamed in the real world, where he is killed with ease. Yawn. But wait! They're using 3D special effects! How cool is that? (Hint: Not very.).
Miscellany: Director Rachel Talalay would go on to give us Tank Girl, which I adore, but everyone else hates. The screenplay itself was written by Michael De Luca, who also wrote The Lawnmower Man and Judge Dredd. A track record like that speaks for itself.
In terms of Freddy mythology, this completes the picture of his life, informing us of his wife and daughter, but it feels like a tacked-on backstory. In fact, instead of helping to explain or flesh out his character, it simply muddles up the story of his life.
Overall: This is a by-the-numbers movie produced by folks who can't count past three. We get gimmicks (3D! Roseanne!), derivative murders, crappy continuity, and some of the worst acting in the series. Avoid this movie.
(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-21 09:07 pm (UTC)