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yendiThe Satanic Rites of Dracula. 1974 (although not actually released in the US until 1978). Directed by Alan Gibson. Written by Don Houghton. Released by Hammer.
I haven't covered any of the Hammer Dracula films yet. Come to think of it, I haven't covered any Dracula films yet. The Satanic Rites of Dracula is far from the best Hammer movie. But it has that delightful mix of '70s cheese and '60s camp that makes even the weakest of the later films in this series fun.
As a sequel to Dracula A.D. 1972, this one is also set in the present day (or, to be accurate, the '70s, when the movie was filmed). Like many films of that era, it features a spy plotline not dissimilar from James Bond moves and Avengers TV episodes. And like many other films from 1974*, it starts with a satanic ritual. Featuring a naked woman and a cock! By which I mean a male chicken, of course. While the satan-worshippers are ritualizing, a captured spy escapes from a mansion, leaving dozens of stuntmen injured in his wake. Alas, he's fatally injured himself, possibly by one of the horrible vests that his captors wear.
The vests deserve their own paragraph. I'm the least fashionista guy in the world, but even I know that the brown sheepskin vests worn over black turtlenecks by the assorted henchmen are every bit as evil and terrifying as any vampire. Alas, I don't have any DVD screencapture software**, but if I did, I'd make this a multimedia entry and show you just how horrible these guys dress.
I'm not going to go into the blow-by-blow for this one. Hammer films aren't exactly known for their solid plots, and as with any spy movie (even one with vampires), things get a little convoluted. Let's just focus on the highlights:
● Dracula as an evil mastermind working to bring about the apocalypse through the titular satanic rites. Because when you think Dracula, you think "Satanic lackey," right?
● Joanna "Patsy" Lumley as Van Helsing's granddaughter, Jessica. Her role in the movie is to be kidnapped and threatened by the Brides of Dracula. She succeeds admirably.
● Christopher Lee turning in his worst performance as The Count. See, he was under contract, but he really, really didn't want to make this movie. In fact, on early promotional tours for the movie, Lee denounced it, calling it stuff like "fatuous" and "absurd."
● Peter Cushing doing a slightly better job as Van Helsing. This would be his penultimate time playing the part, and he still clearly relished it enough to try to keep a weak movie afloat.
● A conspiracy that can be traced right to the heart of the British government! It involves an MP, a rogue biochemist, and a plot to release bubonic plague on the world. That said, the form of plague the bad guys use melts the flesh and is spread by touch (and is not airborne). It also goes to work immediately. So even if the good guys don't thwart the plan, it doesn't seem that well-designed.
● The most convoluted use of running water in a vampire movie. It turns out that vampires not only can't cross running water, but it can kill them. In any form. Okay, they did that in Dracula A.D.1972 (by killing a vamp with a bathtub), but this time, the hero (Inspector Murray, who survived of that same movie) kills all of Drac's brides by turning on the sprinkler system. The sprinkler system that Drac keeps in the same basement that the Brides live in. Because, naturally, if the house is about to burn down and kill Drac, surely he'll want to sprinklers system to go off, quenching the fire and also, well, killing Drac.
● Dracula getting incapacitated by a hawthorn bush, which eventually wraps him in a crown of thorns. Because Jesus wore a crown of thorns, and if it was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for Dracula. Or something. This was filmed in the '70s; there were lots of drugs.
For all my snarking, I enjoyed this movie. It's the least of the Hammer Dracula movies (and one of the weaker Hammer films in general), but the contrived ending was still one of the better variations (behind only the great Brides of Dracula) on the limited ways to kill a vamp, and the cast, Lee's phoned-in performance aside, does an admirable job. Bad Hammer movies, for all their flaws, are still leagues better than the direct-to-video stuff flooding the market today. After the utter crap I've sat through this week, The Satanic Rites of Dracula feels like a breath of fresh air.
That said, I do recommend any of the other Hammer Dracula movies (especially Brides) as well as the Van Helsing solo adventure, Legend of the Seven Golden Vampires, ahead of this one.
*Oh, come on -- just imagine how good A Woman Under the Influence could have been if Cassavetes hadn't left the satanic ritual on the cutting-room floor.
**If anyone has any good tips for free software on the Mac side that'll work for this (or allow me around the MacOS locking down the built-in screen capture tools when a DVD is playing), please let me know.
I haven't covered any of the Hammer Dracula films yet. Come to think of it, I haven't covered any Dracula films yet. The Satanic Rites of Dracula is far from the best Hammer movie. But it has that delightful mix of '70s cheese and '60s camp that makes even the weakest of the later films in this series fun.
As a sequel to Dracula A.D. 1972, this one is also set in the present day (or, to be accurate, the '70s, when the movie was filmed). Like many films of that era, it features a spy plotline not dissimilar from James Bond moves and Avengers TV episodes. And like many other films from 1974*, it starts with a satanic ritual. Featuring a naked woman and a cock! By which I mean a male chicken, of course. While the satan-worshippers are ritualizing, a captured spy escapes from a mansion, leaving dozens of stuntmen injured in his wake. Alas, he's fatally injured himself, possibly by one of the horrible vests that his captors wear.
The vests deserve their own paragraph. I'm the least fashionista guy in the world, but even I know that the brown sheepskin vests worn over black turtlenecks by the assorted henchmen are every bit as evil and terrifying as any vampire. Alas, I don't have any DVD screencapture software**, but if I did, I'd make this a multimedia entry and show you just how horrible these guys dress.
I'm not going to go into the blow-by-blow for this one. Hammer films aren't exactly known for their solid plots, and as with any spy movie (even one with vampires), things get a little convoluted. Let's just focus on the highlights:
● Dracula as an evil mastermind working to bring about the apocalypse through the titular satanic rites. Because when you think Dracula, you think "Satanic lackey," right?
● Joanna "Patsy" Lumley as Van Helsing's granddaughter, Jessica. Her role in the movie is to be kidnapped and threatened by the Brides of Dracula. She succeeds admirably.
● Christopher Lee turning in his worst performance as The Count. See, he was under contract, but he really, really didn't want to make this movie. In fact, on early promotional tours for the movie, Lee denounced it, calling it stuff like "fatuous" and "absurd."
● Peter Cushing doing a slightly better job as Van Helsing. This would be his penultimate time playing the part, and he still clearly relished it enough to try to keep a weak movie afloat.
● A conspiracy that can be traced right to the heart of the British government! It involves an MP, a rogue biochemist, and a plot to release bubonic plague on the world. That said, the form of plague the bad guys use melts the flesh and is spread by touch (and is not airborne). It also goes to work immediately. So even if the good guys don't thwart the plan, it doesn't seem that well-designed.
● The most convoluted use of running water in a vampire movie. It turns out that vampires not only can't cross running water, but it can kill them. In any form. Okay, they did that in Dracula A.D.1972 (by killing a vamp with a bathtub), but this time, the hero (Inspector Murray, who survived of that same movie) kills all of Drac's brides by turning on the sprinkler system. The sprinkler system that Drac keeps in the same basement that the Brides live in. Because, naturally, if the house is about to burn down and kill Drac, surely he'll want to sprinklers system to go off, quenching the fire and also, well, killing Drac.
● Dracula getting incapacitated by a hawthorn bush, which eventually wraps him in a crown of thorns. Because Jesus wore a crown of thorns, and if it was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for Dracula. Or something. This was filmed in the '70s; there were lots of drugs.
For all my snarking, I enjoyed this movie. It's the least of the Hammer Dracula movies (and one of the weaker Hammer films in general), but the contrived ending was still one of the better variations (behind only the great Brides of Dracula) on the limited ways to kill a vamp, and the cast, Lee's phoned-in performance aside, does an admirable job. Bad Hammer movies, for all their flaws, are still leagues better than the direct-to-video stuff flooding the market today. After the utter crap I've sat through this week, The Satanic Rites of Dracula feels like a breath of fresh air.
That said, I do recommend any of the other Hammer Dracula movies (especially Brides) as well as the Van Helsing solo adventure, Legend of the Seven Golden Vampires, ahead of this one.
*Oh, come on -- just imagine how good A Woman Under the Influence could have been if Cassavetes hadn't left the satanic ritual on the cutting-room floor.
**If anyone has any good tips for free software on the Mac side that'll work for this (or allow me around the MacOS locking down the built-in screen capture tools when a DVD is playing), please let me know.
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(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-24 01:28 am (UTC)Yeah, let me know as well.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-24 09:42 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-26 03:32 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-24 01:51 am (UTC)Also, Joanna Lumley was Patsy, not Edina; Jennifer Saunders played Eddy, sweetie darling. ^_^
(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-26 03:31 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-24 03:20 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-24 06:22 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-24 04:23 am (UTC)That's if the DVD will play with VLC. My copy of the first season of CSI Miami was no joy, but then, that might have been the computer protesting against the blowhardiness of Horatio Caine. And I didn't try any other DVDs.
(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-26 03:26 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-24 04:55 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-26 03:26 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-24 09:05 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-26 03:27 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-02-26 09:11 pm (UTC)..I'm not necessarily proud of that fact, but...
The vests are truly amazing. They should have had their own listing in the credits.