Elayna did indeed notice the lack of a goldfish this morning, so we had to tell her that Reddy had died. We promised her a new one, of course. She wants to name the new one Reddie as well, so she can pretend this never happened.
Maybe I don't understand kids and such but I think there is a world of difference between her choosing to be in denial and you sneaking a redcap in there without her knowledge. But again, I don't understand kids from that perspective...
It has more to do with the interchangability of fish, frankly. They have no personality. It's not that I don't like them -- I really enjoy watching fish, actually -- but they're simply not the most intersting of creatures. In spite of the fact that she's sure the fish that died was "reddie," it might well have been "Freddie," who looks the same. In a situation like that,, it's hard to worry much about just replacing the fish.
Well at least she knows.. Its an instinct to protect what we see as "harm" from children.. but there are times they surprise you with just how quickly they can brush things off..
I'd get her 2 new fish.. so she can name one Reddie.. and think of a new name for the other..
Personally.. Fish are barely above plants when it comes to "pets" I feel odd having any pet that I wouldn't hesitate to eat if I needed to.. at least with a Dog or a Cat I would at least feel uneasy about the idea
Oh I agree.. I have no doubt that if Voodoo had front claws i'd have been killed long ago.. as it stands.. I outweight her by enough that I could most likely take her.. even in my sleep
I like that idea -- allows her two paths to grief and recovery.
And yeah, fish just aren't cuddly. I mean, I bought some of Reddie's relatives at the supermarket (or close enough -- various herring products), just hours earlier.
If you let her pretend it never happened, she'll have lost a valuable learning opportunity. It's only a fish today, but tomorrow or next year or in five years it'll be a gerbil, a cat, and a relative. It's never too early to get ready for such things.
She's already lost pets and relatives. Nothing was ever denied to her when her great-grandfather died (which she still talks about), or when Pepper, the Poodle From Hell, passed away. She's been through grieving, and I know she can handle it. If anything, I think she's starting to recognize different levels of loss here with the pets -- she likes her fish, but she recognizes how interchangable they are (when she suggested that her grandparents get another dog to replace Pepper, she didn't even think they should get another poodle named Pepper -- she knew that wouldn't be possible). Her reaction to a gerbil would be different, as would her reaction to another pet or to a human.
*shrug* Stroke? Heart attack? Ebola? I dunno. It's a fish. It swims, it dies. I'm pretty sure it wasn't murdered, as Max would be the only suspect, and he's got an awful poker face.
I think I would encourage her to give it a different name - accepting the fact that fish are short lived animals, but that each one is a unique being. I think it's good for kids to learn to accept death, especially in short lived pets, as part of life.
True, but I'd also rather encourage her to handle it in whatever way she likes. She already knows that fish can die, after all. Although I'm seriously thinking about Tarpo's idea, above.
Aye, I hadn't read your reply to glenn5 before posting my response, otherwise I would not have suggested what I did. From your post it sounded like she just wanted to deny the death, and that didn't sound healthy.
kids take small steps in discovery. and this counts as a small step in the confounding mystery of death. bless her heart, she probably knows the fish is replaceble anyway.
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(no subject)
Date: 2002-09-05 03:50 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2002-09-05 03:53 am (UTC)Re: denial
Date: 2002-09-05 04:04 am (UTC)Re: denial
Date: 2002-09-05 05:51 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2002-09-05 04:50 am (UTC)I'd get her 2 new fish.. so she can name one Reddie.. and think of a new name for the other..
Personally.. Fish are barely above plants when it comes to "pets" I feel odd having any pet that I wouldn't hesitate to eat if I needed to.. at least with a Dog or a Cat I would at least feel uneasy about the idea
(no subject)
Date: 2002-09-05 05:47 am (UTC)I agree about the fish thing. I don't understand them. I can't cuddle a fish.
(no subject)
Date: 2002-09-05 06:01 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2002-09-05 08:44 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2002-09-05 05:55 am (UTC)And yeah, fish just aren't cuddly. I mean, I bought some of Reddie's relatives at the supermarket (or close enough -- various herring products), just hours earlier.
(no subject)
Date: 2002-09-05 08:46 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2002-09-05 06:53 am (UTC)i shot coffee out my nose...
thanks...
(no subject)
Date: 2002-09-05 08:47 am (UTC)my pleasure.. I'm here all week.. enjoy the buffet
Re:
Date: 2002-09-05 11:44 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2002-09-06 02:56 am (UTC)Re:
Date: 2002-09-06 04:51 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2002-09-05 05:31 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2002-09-05 05:49 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2002-09-05 05:50 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2002-09-05 05:57 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2002-09-05 05:50 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2002-09-05 05:58 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2002-09-05 06:04 am (UTC)And yes,
(no subject)
Date: 2002-09-05 06:56 am (UTC)