(no subject)
Dec. 4th, 2002 08:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
yendiI've come to a conclusion:
Cats are Republicans.
Seriously.
First, let's remember that the Republican party, in general, is on the side of the corporations, and goes with the upper class in most class struggles.
One of the best ways for the Haves to prevent the Have Nots from getting anywhere is to use knowledge as a weapon. Prevent the oppressed from knowing how to vote, and they can't participate in the process, or know when they're being shut out. Prevent them from seeing their fellow citizens being murdered in Ohio or jailed in New York, and they won't have any urge to rebel against their government. Keep them from reading, and they won't know how to get ahead anywhere.
So, with that in mind, try the following.
Walk into a room in which a cat is lounging.
Sit down, far enough away from the cat to make it clear that you're in the room for your own sake, not the cat's. Do not make eye contact with the cat -- you don't want to give it any excuse to pretend you were asking for it.
Take out a book or a magazine.
Open it.
In less than twenty seconds, the cat will approach you. If you are reading with the book or magazine sitting open (as might happen when you're reclining on a couch), the cat will sit on the item. If you're reading with the book held high, the cat will head butt the book until it is impossible to read it anymore. This is because cats have been genetically programmed by teh Republicans to help with their insidious anti-literacy campaign.
Some cat apologists will claim, "Oh, that's silly -- cats just read with their butts." I used to believe this. But then my suspicions were aroused, so I decided to put it to the test. After Max (our chocolate point 'mese) sat on my copy of time for ten minutes, more than enough time for him to absorb all information in the article on Shania Twain, I gave him a short reading comprehension quiz. Nothing tricky -- all straightforward stuff he could have gotten on the first read. And he couldn't answer a single question! Not even the one about what country she's from.
So whatever he was accomplishing by sitting on Time, it didn't involve learning anything (and for those who consider a Shania Twain article a bad test, I also attempted this with articles from the domestic news and the international news section, with the same results. I also attempted this with an old issue of Dick Tracy Weekly. When I pointed to two characters and asked, "which one is Mumbles?" he had no clue, and eventually turned around and rested his butt on Mrs. Pruneface.
So, getting back to my point -- cats are evil agents of the Establishment. Do not trust them.
Cats are Republicans.
Seriously.
First, let's remember that the Republican party, in general, is on the side of the corporations, and goes with the upper class in most class struggles.
One of the best ways for the Haves to prevent the Have Nots from getting anywhere is to use knowledge as a weapon. Prevent the oppressed from knowing how to vote, and they can't participate in the process, or know when they're being shut out. Prevent them from seeing their fellow citizens being murdered in Ohio or jailed in New York, and they won't have any urge to rebel against their government. Keep them from reading, and they won't know how to get ahead anywhere.
So, with that in mind, try the following.
Walk into a room in which a cat is lounging.
Sit down, far enough away from the cat to make it clear that you're in the room for your own sake, not the cat's. Do not make eye contact with the cat -- you don't want to give it any excuse to pretend you were asking for it.
Take out a book or a magazine.
Open it.
In less than twenty seconds, the cat will approach you. If you are reading with the book or magazine sitting open (as might happen when you're reclining on a couch), the cat will sit on the item. If you're reading with the book held high, the cat will head butt the book until it is impossible to read it anymore. This is because cats have been genetically programmed by teh Republicans to help with their insidious anti-literacy campaign.
Some cat apologists will claim, "Oh, that's silly -- cats just read with their butts." I used to believe this. But then my suspicions were aroused, so I decided to put it to the test. After Max (our chocolate point 'mese) sat on my copy of time for ten minutes, more than enough time for him to absorb all information in the article on Shania Twain, I gave him a short reading comprehension quiz. Nothing tricky -- all straightforward stuff he could have gotten on the first read. And he couldn't answer a single question! Not even the one about what country she's from.
So whatever he was accomplishing by sitting on Time, it didn't involve learning anything (and for those who consider a Shania Twain article a bad test, I also attempted this with articles from the domestic news and the international news section, with the same results. I also attempted this with an old issue of Dick Tracy Weekly. When I pointed to two characters and asked, "which one is Mumbles?" he had no clue, and eventually turned around and rested his butt on Mrs. Pruneface.
So, getting back to my point -- cats are evil agents of the Establishment. Do not trust them.
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(no subject)
I have an urge to play Takako Minekawa's "Fantastic Cat" now.
(no subject)
Date: 2002-12-04 05:52 pm (UTC)All a part of their plan. No one would ever suspect anyone cute and cuddly of being Republican.
Re:
Date: 2002-12-04 06:01 pm (UTC)I still think they're more likely aliens, though. (I saw and absorbed the lessons from "The Cat from Outer Space" at a young age, see.)
Hey, I demand a photo of you. ^_^ So's I know you're not a Republican.
(no subject)
Date: 2002-12-06 02:36 pm (UTC)And, to stick up for my own political beliefs, not believing in government handouts or overly powerful labor unions or the like does not make me evil. Roughly half of the US seems to agree with my views, so I refuse to consider myself wrong or strange. I agree to disagree with a lot of my friends, but I do have to say that I get sick of blanket condemnations of Republicans. I get tired of being stereotyped inaccurately. I try to avoid sweeping generalizations about Democrats....I'm certainly better at that than my parents are. And no, it's not just because we have some money that we have our political beliefs....my parents both came from lower-middle-class upbringings (both of their fathers were, I believe, union members at some point). It doesn't have to be a money or class thing.
Oh, and to give a really amusing (she says sarcastically) example of how Democratic government works in DC, when asked why he didn't decide until 8:00 am to cancel school yesteray (one district had canceled the night before, and the rest had by 6:00), the DC Superintendent of Schools said "Sixty-eight percent of our students receive free or reduced breakfast and lunch. We don't know the extent to which those meals would be replaced at home." Okay, so it's better to have the kids walk through 6+ inches of snow, to have them ride on Metrobuses on unplowed, untreated streets, or have their parents drive them on the same untreated streets, THEN have them be forced to return home once they've already gone to school (or started on their way) than it is to have them be safe at home from the get-go? IDIOT. The meteorologists started predicting the snow totals on Tuesday. If anything, the initial estimates (for 6 inches) were a little low. This storm was clearly not the kind that skims past our area. As one mother was quoted on the news, "We have educated, elected officials making these decisions, and they are IDIOTS!" I can't argue
(no subject)
Date: 2002-12-04 05:50 pm (UTC)I used to have a seal-point Siamese named Miss Mellie, from GWTW. She was my baby and I miss her like mad. *sniffles*
(no subject)
Date: 2002-12-04 05:59 pm (UTC)Mellie-Belly
Date: 2002-12-04 06:13 pm (UTC)She was the sweetest thing ever. She'd curl up with me all the time (and not my ex-husband, she hated him, haha), and when it was time for me to wake up in the morning she'd gently lick the tip of my nose. She had the most gorgeous blue-green eyes.
Re: Mellie-Belly
Date: 2002-12-05 04:09 am (UTC)Re: Mellie-Belly
Date: 2002-12-05 11:40 am (UTC)Re: Mellie-Belly
Date: 2002-12-05 11:43 am (UTC)(Yes, our cats were Miss Mellie and Ashley. You now may laugh and point at my GWTW obsession.)
Re: Mellie-Belly
Date: 2002-12-05 12:03 pm (UTC)(and yes, I'm laughing at the GWTW obession -- even living in Atlanta, I've never Gotten GWTW).
Re: Mellie-Belly
Date: 2002-12-05 12:09 pm (UTC)Mellie was such a sweet thing that I just know she has to be sharing her cute, sassy self with someone else. Thanks. :o)
(no subject)
Uhh...excuse me...I have to go make a phone call.... Nothing to worry about, move along.
(no subject)
Date: 2002-12-04 06:23 pm (UTC)Try reading the National Review or the Weekly Standard some time. They won't even go near it.
For a short period of time in the early 90's I read National Review for a solid week. The cat came when she was called, never peed on anything, including laundry stacked in a corner and ate ANY food I offered.
The next week I whipped out the Utne reader and the little fuzzball peed in my cornflakes.
VERY suspicious.
Aliens, not Republicans
Date: 2002-12-04 06:39 pm (UTC)Nope. Malkav is an Alien Sociologist (he even looks like a Grey when you put his ears back) studying us for his own nefaious purposes. Otherwise, why would he watch us in the bathroom?
Re: Aliens, not Republicans
Date: 2002-12-04 06:50 pm (UTC)Re: Aliens, not Republicans
Date: 2002-12-04 07:01 pm (UTC)However, he did barf on a picture of Bill Gates once. Does that make him a mac user?
Re: Aliens, not Republicans
Date: 2002-12-04 09:05 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2002-12-04 06:49 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2002-12-04 07:52 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2002-12-04 08:10 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2002-12-04 09:03 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2002-12-04 10:01 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2002-12-04 06:49 pm (UTC)I suspect Max is trying to prevent you from reading for some sinister purpose of his own.
(no subject)
Date: 2002-12-05 07:32 am (UTC)Which sounds like a republican to me.
(no subject)
Date: 2002-12-05 11:29 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2002-12-04 06:57 pm (UTC)I've got three cats. Two of them sit on newspapers. Of those two, one will attempt to get between me and other reading material, but that's mainly because she thinks my right arm should be devoted to her when I'm in bed, and sometimes the book gets in the way if I'm reading in bed. It could be that she is one of your Republican cats and is just employing a slightly different technique - preventing page turning by sitting on my arm, as opposed to preventing reading altogether. Perhaps she wants me to think she is allowing me to read?
The third cat doesn't concern herself with reading material. She spends her time in my office guarding the computer. She has been accused of not being a "real" cat though. Perhaps the problem is that she is a Democrat cat and that's why she doesn't act "normal"?
(no subject)
Date: 2002-12-04 09:04 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2002-12-05 09:14 am (UTC)Great stuff!
Date: 2002-12-04 07:09 pm (UTC)Re: Great stuff!
Date: 2002-12-04 07:49 pm (UTC)But thanks! :-)
(no subject)
Date: 2002-12-04 11:46 pm (UTC)And I think I have one Republican cat and one Democrat cat. Only one of our cats tries to stop me from reading; the other one wanders around the house all day, yowling piteously but never actually specifying what he wants. He's an up-to-the-minute Democrat, all right. Maybe he'd shape up if we could just get some decent focus and leadership into the party, not to mention some balls… (Wait, maybe it's my fault. We had those removed. From the cat, that is, not the Democratic party.)
(no subject)
Date: 2002-12-05 03:37 am (UTC)Perish the thought!
Maybe he'd shape up if we could just get some decent focus and leadership into the party, not to mention some balls… (Wait, maybe it's my fault. We had those removed. From the cat, that is, not the Democratic party.)
You know, there's a Bill Clinton joke somewhere in there. Or about forty-seven other politicians.
(no subject)
Date: 2002-12-05 07:53 am (UTC)However, the rest of the House voted "no," mostly because they were afraid of setting a precedent. (A President precedent?)
(no subject)
Date: 2002-12-05 07:36 am (UTC)However, I now think he had delusions of grandeur.
(no subject)
Date: 2002-12-05 11:48 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2002-12-05 11:52 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2002-12-05 02:23 pm (UTC)