Dear spammers:

[yendi]

Please stop sending me email with the subject line, "You always wanted to use your penis as a billiards cue."

I never have. I never will.

See, billiards balls are hard. Very hard. A lot harder than even the most erect penis could ever hope to be, no matter how much Viagra or Cialis (or, as you choose to call them, V1agra or Cia1is) someone takes. If an erect penis were to strike a billiards ball at a typical speed, the penis would break*. The ball would likely not move very far, unless the striker, now in immense pain, accidentally flailed against it.

The only way the subject line could work would be if a person had a prosthetic wooden or ceramic penis. But I don't think the market's really there yet, not least because the blue pool chalk would just look silly.

*Yes, they can break, even though they lack bones. No, I never want to know what that feels like.

Comments

[jennasuze.livejournal.com]

I would really like to know what your footnote could possibly be. :)

[yendi]

Heh. That's why I need to stay away from LJ during stress times at work -- I interupt my posts so often, I never remember everything I was going to write.

I've edited the comment.

[jennasuze.livejournal.com]

Oh. Ow. *wince*

[luis-mw.livejournal.com]

And I'm pretty certain I am very unlikely to break my penis in two, wave half threateningly at someone while shouting, "Come on then, if you think you're hard enough"

And I'm even more certain I wouldn't want Buffy grabbing it and using it to stake a vamp[1]


[1] Ok, maybe I could deal with the first bit...

[yendi]

Well, if you could convince her that "staking a vamp" was a euphemism for something else, it might work.

[popfiend.livejournal.com]

ROTFLMAO!

I needed this.

Although this is rather painful to think about. :)

[yendi]

:-)

[yendi]

As did I. I think that once you read one of those, you never, ever forget it.

[phantom_wolfboy]

Never ever EVER. It must be over a quarter of a century ago that I read such an article, and I have never forgotten it.

[indigoleo.livejournal.com]

That kind of spammage is even more fun to get when you're female.

[yendi]

Heh. Yeah, I'm amused whenever I get an offer to increase my breast size.

[tewok.livejournal.com]

There's a website called Spamusement, which consists of badly drawn cartoons based on spam subject lines. This is one based on this spam:

http://spamusement.com/index.php/comics/view/311

[yendi]

Ha! I love it!