Warren Ellis, on Batman Done Right

[yendi]

Yeah, this is just a cut-and-paste plagiarism. But it's a great column.


It occurs to me that an awful lot
of trouble in Gotham City could
have been averted a long time ago
if Batman had just ripped the Joker's
nipples off.

I mean, treatment doesn't work,
does it? They stick the Joker in the
nuthatch, he comes out again and
does the same things.

A man with the nipples ripped off him
does not make the same mistakes
twice.

Criminals are a superstitious,
cowardly lot, and need the nipples
ripped off them.

I mean, who's going to argue?

"Batman, I've heard disturbing
reports that you ripped the Joker's
nipples off."

"Choke on my fuck, Commissioner
Gordon."

"...okay."

I mean, crime in Gotham City doesn't
exactly seem to be affected by a man
dressed as a bat flapping around the
place. But no-one disobeys a man
wearing a necklace of human nipples.

"I'm Batman" isn't cutting it in the
striking-fear-into-their-hearts
stakes. But "I'm Batman -- and I'm
here for your nipples" is an entirely
different proposition.

Criminals would see the error of
their ways after a man in a black
leather pervert suit had their
nipples off with the edge of a Batarang,
you mark my words. Or a
Bat-Denipplizer.

I'm off to ring Bob Schreck at DC
Comics.

Comments

[skylion.livejournal.com]

Warren Ellis....Ah, the man is refeshingly perverse.
This reminds me of a Wizard article from years ago, when he lauched Planetary (When, Warren, When?), about how he would kill off various superhero's.
My fave was the Iron Man death. Pull of those stupid power packs on his hips. He falls over from the weigth of that suit. Have dogs p** in the facemask. He drowns on dogpi**.

Love that man.

[dslartoo.livejournal.com]

Dammit, you beat me to it. I had the same idea after reading that: "Put up an entry, people MUST see this". And Batman is my favorite comics hero. :)

cheers,
Phil

[darkmattr.livejournal.com]

Tell them, tell them I own their nipples!